And then Cait came along. She was a bit colicky to start. Then she chilled right out. Everyone was wrong...completely wrong! She was relaxed, quiet, slept like a dream etc. etc. etc. Life was smooth. There was no impending disaster. Three kids was a piece of cake! Then she got her first kidney infection. And then another and another....and you get the point. Things went down hill pretty fast. Everything changed. She started waking at night when she never used to, she would cry all day long, she was just so unhappy. She had a surgery in October and we hoped for a change in attitude. But it felt like things just got worse! I would say we have a happy Cait maybe 20% of the time, and then the other 80%...well that's when I barely make it through the day. I cry a LOT. The poor big girls, they are VERY neglected. And then there's Ben. He just works soooo much! And when he's home, he's got three (ok 4) crying girls to deal with. It's pretty rough.
I don't know. Today has clearly been a pretty rough day. The baby's sick...and I feel like I have been running on empty for too long. I'm also so conflicted right now. I just really want 4 kids. I LOVE the idea of 4 grown children...but I'm not sure if I can handle another baby. Or if it's even fair to my other kids. I want to volunteer in school with my kids...but I can't so easily when I have a baby. Especially a cranky one! I'm jealous of other moms who have 'easy' babies...or who handle the cranky ones with ease. And I don't want to be jealous. I have this beautiful life! I have sooooo many blessings. I have great children...and I especially love that crying baby! I have a pretty amazing husband. He's patient and kind and gently and fun and crazy and just plain awesome! I also know that pretty soon this rough little patch in my life with be a distant memory...and I'll one day say "it wasn't that bad" again. I know it. But until then, I thought I'd just share a bit of honesty.
Here's a picture of Cait...see that face? That face is trouble brewing! LOL. She is one mischievous babe!
p.p.s. since I'm pretty sure my mom is the only one who still reads this. And since she's across the country and will worry...just know I'm actually ok! Life is pretty good!
6 comments:
Don't worry, I read your blog all the time. You're a great mom! No ones life is perfect, not even mine. Yes I am very happy and very blessed, but everyone has their own problems that are happening behind closed doors.
<3 Kierra
If you had any idea of how frustrated I've been for the last...um forever...you'd be shocked I'm sure. This is your blog so I won't do any complaining here but life's been especially rough for the last little bit. I (and everyone else I'm sure) just don't post pictures on instagram of me blubbering in my bedroom hiding from the four kids that all desperately need something from me. There have been times in the last few weeks where all five of us have been crying at the same time. I'm sorry you're having a rough time - but don't be fooled by facebook and instagram - you're not the only one! Life as a SAHM can be pretty crappy sometimes.
Hey, she's not the only one who reads your blog! Hopefully you don't have to decide about how many kids you have right now. Maybe in a couple years you'll have baby amnesia and decide you can handle another one. I don't know if it's true, but I've heard that 4 isn't much harder than 3. Although I'll probably stop at 3. I don't think I could handle more, even though my kids were so easy (except getting thijs to sleep at night). He was still climbing into our bed until a week ago, when I let him and roel share a bed. they've been cuddling ever since.
Yep you just confirmed it Meagan...we're only having 2 kids! Haha jks your an amazing mom Meagan. It surprises me when you post these kinds of moments because you always seem like you have it all together. All the time! Your so fun with your girls & easy going & Ben has it good, I've seen you get annoyed with him or say your mad but it's like nothing compared to my angry face haha hope your day gets better :)
I knew you were okay, but I worried anyway. Just being a Mom I guess. :)
I also knew others read your blog.
And, I know you are pretty terrific, every single second of every single day.
Love you lots and lots and lots,
G-Ma in Joliette
Hey There,
I just came accross your blog from my friends. You're so not alone. I feel like sometimes I portray my little toddler as a princess when she's actually quite the little devil. It's more of a therapy for me though. I often vent to friends about what an "intense" kiddo she is and then feel so guilty after. She really is wonderful, ha ha some of the time. As an example, she's only 22 months but has gotten a bad rep in our ward which to me is so sad. We sat down in Sacrament meeting today by some people with a 18 month old. Two minutes later they picked up all there stuff and moved to the other side of the chapel. I was a little heartbroken. I know my kid is a handful and there's is an easy-going bump on the log (that's what my husband and I call those babies). Mostly cuz we're somewhat jealous. Oh well, I only have the one, but you're not alone!
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