Friday, April 05, 2013


There's this picture of me and Cait that Rebecca took of us back in the fall when we were doing our family pictures. It hangs on the wall just outside Cait's room. I chose this picture and this spot for a reason. It gives me peace. I can see it from the rocking chair in her room, so each time I rock, cuddle, or feed her I see that pictures and instantly feel comfort. The reason I feel peace when I see this picture is strange though. That day, the day we took pictures, I was exhausted. Exhausted to the point that I literally could not hold my eyes open as the photoshoot came to an end. More pictures had my eyes shut than should have been the case. WHY? Well, the night before our family pictures I was literally up all night with a crying baby. This was normal for us...and not normal at the same.

I'm a strong advocate of sleep training. My first two babies were generally sleeping 12 hours by the time they were 4 months old - and we worked hard to get there. At 6 months it certainly wasn't an issue in the slightest! But with Cait, no amount of sleep training has worked. She either sleeps through the night...or she doesn't. Letting her cry it out doesn't work, rocking her to sleep doesn't work, bottles don't work either. She chooses when, where and how to sleep. And we CAN NOT figure it out. Part of it, actually most of it, is because we know she's in pain most of the time. Kidney infections do that to you. So we cater to her...and that's ok. but sleep, and peace and happiness are sometimes not the easiest thing to come by around here.

ANYWAY, this picture gives me peace because when I look at it, I see an exhausted mom who is tired of being a mom. There's a weary smile on my that I feel is on the verge of tears. It's the face of someone who really needed help and wasn't sure how to ask for it. And so now when I look at that picture and it's been an equally as rough day, I am comforted because I know I've been there before and survived. I've felt that exhaustion...and made it through. And then on the great days (there are lots of those too) I see how far we've come from the exhaustion that day (and many more since) brought us! I celebrate that great day we've had and how awesome it feels to be a mom to this special little girl!

Anyway...Cait just turned one last week. And I've spent a LOT of time reminiscing on this last year and thinking of all the sleepless nights, the hospital visits, the surgeries, the kidney infections, the specialists appointments etc. And then I remember that those tough moments - although many - aren't the strongest memories...they definitely do not define this last year. What I love to remember is her infectious laugh, how she rolled over so young and never stopped moving, how she loved the swing and spent a lot of time in it, how she makes the cutest most perfect baby sounds and just chats with herself all day long, how she'll do anything for a laugh from us, how she started taking good solid steps at 9 months and then full on walked less than a month later, how she will eat anything I feed her, how she LOVES Hailey more than anyone, how she squeals with excitement when Ben comes home from work, how she lets Paige hold her and feed her bottles, how she sometimes just wants me...and will cuddle forever as long as she gets to be in my arms, how she loves to carry a purse and a baby around all day long, and...

just how plain old ADORABLE she is.

We  love her so much and are so grateful to have Cait in our family. In this short year she's taught us all patience, kindness, sympathy, empathy, and most importantly how to love no matter what!

Happy Birthday Cait! We love you!


The McGales said...

Loved your post Meagan!! Glad we could be there for Cait's birthday :)

Anonymous said...

Such a tender post. I love the picture of you as a young, exhausted mother and I love your take on it -- you can do it! This too shall pass! Way to go, young mother, you're a definite champion in our books.

Love, Mom and Dad W.

Christine Hill said...

i havent been on here in forever!! I started reading all your adorable posts and realized i need to start blogging more AND that we need to hang out more! You are a great Mom who is going through hard times with worrying about your cant be easy, but you are doing everything right so hang in and it will be an old memory soon and you'll be with your 3 beautiful girls through many more not so serious trials:)

angie said...

I loved this post. she is adorable.

The Taylors said...

That's a GREAT post form such a loving mom!! great job Meagan! She is so lucky to have you!