Tuesday, January 20, 2015

Baby Baby Baby

So this has been a huge secret for a while!!! 

When I had my D&C in July the OB said that although lots of doctors recommend you wait three cycles to try again, she didn't agree. And in fact most doctors now don't believe it's necessary at all. So we did some desperate grief driven soul searching and decided to try as soon as possible. Mostly because we didn't know how long it would take. When I delivered the twins my placenta didn't deliver and I ended up having to go in for a D&C after to remove it completely. It took me almost a year to conceive Hailey after that. I'm not sure what factors were at play in that situation, but I always felt that my uterus just needed to recover from the D&C. So this time around I was sure we'd face the same fate...but we agreed it was worth trying. And low and behold, I got pregnant that month! Which was way sooner than we'd expected and then kind of freaked us out a bit. What if my uterus wasn't ready for another baby?

Our doctor assured us that it was...but that we also weren't out of the woods. a 14/15 weeks miscarriage is actually quite rare. Especially with no real explanation. So there was always the risk of something similar happening again. Losing the twins was different, it was almost expected. There was a very clear reason why it happened when it happened. Losing this last baby was much more of a mystery and really shook me more than I'd expected. So for the first 17 weeks of this pregnancy I was freaked right out. We didn't tell ANYONE we were pregnant. I was quite sick, still quite sad from our earlier loss, and honestly in denial that we were pregnant again. I was showing a little and just wore lots of loose sweaters and shirts. People knew. I know they knew, but we just weren't ready to talk about it. We especially kept it a secret from our girls who honestly didn't deal with the miscarriage that well. Which is probably exactly how they should have responded. So they dealt with it normally, it was just hard on them. We had lots of ultrasounds and extra OB appointments to keep me satisfied that things were going ok. There were scary moments...and still are some. But most can be explained by the fact that I'm getting older, I've been pregnant a LOT of times and my body is just tired!

So we finally went in for our 18 week appointment. All looked good! We found out we're having another GIRL!!!! Which is probably the most exciting news ever! Really...it's super fun to  have this many girls! We gave it a day and then told our girls, and then our families. And now the world. I'm very hesitantly excited. I feel like this will work out. I feel like we'll get a baby girl in the end. I feel like she'll be healthy, and strong and happy. I'm also super anxious thinking about what having a new baby entails. I'm not sure if I'm ready yet. But I'll never be ready. And I just have to remember, not all babies cry as much as our sick Cait did!! So there's a good chance we could have a healthy happy little baby! Right? Right!

So that's that, baby girl is due the beginning of June!

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