iPhone rescue

These last few weeks have been really hard. I'm usually a happy camper right up until the end of my pregnancy but this time I'm just barely hanging on. I'm exhausted and sore and I hardly ever leave my spot on the couch. My poor girls have the lamest mom in the world. But thank goodness for the phone and it's super crappy pictures! Because these are the only pictures I have to document these last days of this pregnancy! We've been busy! I've been nesting like crazy...like crazy. I have cleaned and organized every single closet in this house (but mine because I'll need to do it anyway once I rid myself of my maternity clothes). I've cooked a million freezer meals for when this baby arrives. I've organized the girls rooms and made room for the baby. I've purchased bins and made cute labels for them so that when the baby comes we won't be wondering wear the sunscreen is. Because you know, that's very important. I clean our bathrooms ALL the time just in case I go into labour - I need a clean bathroom you know! Some of it's logical, most of it's not. But it works and it's keeping my busy!

I also spent a rainy Saturday with my mom doing some sewing! We made baby blankets (which we didn't actually sew...just cut some jersey fabric into a square), little baby bandanna bibs (we DID sew these) and some little hair bow head wrap things (also involved sewing). While we sewed my girls played and played and then went out searching for worms. The found the biggest grossest worm in the world and were mesmerized!

I'm officially huge! Actually not as huge as I've been in the past! We had a little scare where I was measuring quite large, which resulted in a BPP (Bio-physical-profile) ultrasound, which resulted in a non-stress test because the baby wasn't doing her practice breathing. But all ended well, and at my next appointment I was measuring right on. But at least we now know for SURE it's a girls!

 Paige was involved in a school assembly today. The day before she asked if I could make her a deer costume for her part in the performance!! The 39 week pregnant momma that I am said - go find something in the dress up box. Which she did. And I must say, she was the cutest giraffe the forest has ever seen! In my defense though...most the other kids didn't have deer costumes either! Or any costume at all. So I feel like we were totally more on top of things than most!

This last week has been extra stressful because Hailey came down with a pretty intense kidney infection. It was honestly a little bit scary - but a nice change from Cait's infections! With Hailey though, she ended up needing two rounds of IV antibiotics to beat the darn thing. I'm just glad this hit BEFORE baby and not after. I don't know how I could have done it with a new baby. She seems to be feeling a bit better and now we just need to finish up with the oral antibiotics and all should be good!

So besides that I'm ready for this baby! We need to get through tomorrow first (Grandpa's 60th birthday party) and then Sunday too (Cait gets to go see Dora live with her cousin Liam). Once those two events are done then we can have this baby! I'm hoping for June 1st so she can share a Birthday with Grandpa McCance...but I don't want to get my hopes up. I'm not due until the 4th of June! So we shall see!!

Mother's Day

This year for Mother's day I was feeling so done...being pregnant that is! Honestly, this baby is sure doing a number on my body! I'm constantly hurting and I feel like I just can't do half of what I usually can when pregnant! BUT Besides being huge and pregnant, I was very excited to spend this Mother's Day with my three big girls. They had been working hard in school to make gifts more me and I was so excited! The day started out perfectly: Breakfast in bed made for me by my girls (with the help of Dad of course). Then I tried to take a picture of the three of them - which was a LOT harder than I expected. At least two of them have a hard time looking AT the camera while smiling! But I got ONE! And look at them...aren't they perfect?? Then off to church....then home for a nap and lunch in bed. Haha...everything's 'in bed' when you're this pregnant! And then off to Nate and Tan's for a big ol' Mothers day Dinner with my family! I should also note that the day before Lauren and I put together a little Mother's Day brunch for Ben's mom!

Anyway, I'm so grateful for the Mother's I have in my life...my own mom, my Mother in Law, my sisters, cousins, aunts, friends and so on. These are the people who have mothered me, taught me how to be a mother myself, or helped me mother my children! I've had the best influences and examples in the area that you could possibly imagine. I'm really so grateful and lucky! I'm especially grateful that I get to Mother these little girls of mine! What joy they bring into my life!!I couldn't have asked for a better group of girls to raise and I'm so excited to meet our newest addition! Mothering...it's the best!

On bringing another baby into this Family

Some days I feel like I'm going crazy and I can barely handle the three kids I have and I can't imagine what it'll be like with a 4th. And some days I get really scared about the idea of going back to that baby stage and starting it all over again. Some days I look at Cait and wonder how she's going to handle this big change. She's been our baby for so long and because of the struggles she's had I feel like she got 'babied' a little more than the others ever did. Some days I wonder if we made the right choice. And then I remember being scared when I was pregnant with Hailey and she was such a blessing in our life. I felt this exact same way when I was pregnant with Paige - and now I couldn't imagine life without her. And then when I was pregnant with Cait those same fears crept back, and once again I couldn't imagine not having her in our family. So I know that I will feel the same way about this new baby. She will fill a void we never realized we had and it will be perfect. A challenge but perfect.

One thing I do know is that I struggle with Post Partum Depression after I have my babies. And I am truly so scared to face that demon again. But I have a game plan this time around. I'm going to let myself fail. I'll let the house get dirty, I'll feed the kids more popsicles and cookies than should be allowed, I'll try to worry less about whether this baby is meeting the sleep milestones I know other babies are meeting, I'll worry less about losing this baby weight, I'll take time to relax more and not stress about keeping up with my friends, I'll find ways to enjoy the quiet (or not so quiet) night feedings, I won't worry about getting the baby on a bottle or sleeping in her own room. I just plan to not worry about it all so much. I plan to not compare or try to keep up with those around me. I won't get caught up in that game, and I know I have in the past. I'll admit to others when I'm struggling and I'll accept their help when they offer. I'm going to plan to fail a little bit more. And I hope that works this time! But if it doesn't, I know I'll come through it. I have before and it's all worked out fine!