Tuesday, May 05, 2015

On bringing another baby into this Family

Some days I feel like I'm going crazy and I can barely handle the three kids I have and I can't imagine what it'll be like with a 4th. And some days I get really scared about the idea of going back to that baby stage and starting it all over again. Some days I look at Cait and wonder how she's going to handle this big change. She's been our baby for so long and because of the struggles she's had I feel like she got 'babied' a little more than the others ever did. Some days I wonder if we made the right choice. And then I remember being scared when I was pregnant with Hailey and she was such a blessing in our life. I felt this exact same way when I was pregnant with Paige - and now I couldn't imagine life without her. And then when I was pregnant with Cait those same fears crept back, and once again I couldn't imagine not having her in our family. So I know that I will feel the same way about this new baby. She will fill a void we never realized we had and it will be perfect. A challenge but perfect.

One thing I do know is that I struggle with Post Partum Depression after I have my babies. And I am truly so scared to face that demon again. But I have a game plan this time around. I'm going to let myself fail. I'll let the house get dirty, I'll feed the kids more popsicles and cookies than should be allowed, I'll try to worry less about whether this baby is meeting the sleep milestones I know other babies are meeting, I'll worry less about losing this baby weight, I'll take time to relax more and not stress about keeping up with my friends, I'll find ways to enjoy the quiet (or not so quiet) night feedings, I won't worry about getting the baby on a bottle or sleeping in her own room. I just plan to not worry about it all so much. I plan to not compare or try to keep up with those around me. I won't get caught up in that game, and I know I have in the past. I'll admit to others when I'm struggling and I'll accept their help when they offer. I'm going to plan to fail a little bit more. And I hope that works this time! But if it doesn't, I know I'll come through it. I have before and it's all worked out fine!

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