Friday, April 08, 2011

5 Years

Do you know what 5 years does to you? It let's you smile and mean it. It's let's you sort of forget big dates....but not entirely. It let's you love what your life is today, and not worry too much about what it could have been.


I've been kind of weepy this week, and I've been obsessively remembering my life 5 years ago. I just realized today why. Five years ago this week was the week I was scheduled to 'deliver' the twins. 5 years ago this week I had no twins to deliver because they had died in utero in January. 5 years ago this week I was empty, and broken, and destroyed. 5 years ago this week was a hard time to be me.


Today...this week... I smiled and I really truly meant it. I snuggled with one daughter who was sick, and I played with my other daughter who needed some mom time. I hung out with my husband who also happens to be my best friend. Although I still sometimes wonder what my life could have been, I'm mostly just happy with what it is!


So to mark this date, I'll share a picture that means a lot to me. This was Ben and I at the memorial for our twins. We were definitely putting on a strong face. We were smiling...but not really meaning it. We were however, together and still strong as ever. And that...that very important detail hasn't changed. Life is good.


7 comments:

Stacey Salmon said...

Great post. You are a strong woman!!!!
SS

The Harker Family said...

Oh Meagan, that must have been so painful! What a sweet post!

Laura said...

That post made me cry! Great post, your family has come so far. You are so lucky and blessed. It's strange I was actually thinking about the twins this week too for some reason, knowing that the time was somewhere in the spring but didn't know the actual date. I remember "bring spring" You are such a strong person and an inspiration!

Laura said...

That was Laura Taylor by the way, apparently I am logged into my other email....

Anonymous said...

Blinking away tears.
What a strong post, Meagan. I like what you said about you and Ben " together, still strong as ever."
You are my inspiration.
Love,
G-Ma

Christine Hill said...

Meagan this post is really touching. You are such a strong and positive woman...

Jewel said...

I can't believe it's been 5 years! Such a sweet post...full of so much tender emotion!