Words

I just don't even have the right words to express what has happened. We lost a friend. A young Father of three...and exceptional father of three. A husband...and very good husband. Way too soon. And way too tragic. We were also way too involved in the accident and it has shaken our family quite a bit. There are things we'll never be able to un-see. Things we can't un-feel. Events we can't undo. It's the worst. I'm hurting. My children are hurting. My husband is especially hurting. We also recognize that our hurt and pain are absolute nothing in comparison to the children who lost their dad. My girls friends. The wife who lost her husband. My friend. The siblings who lost their brother and parents who lost their son. They hurt more. I know. Right now we're feeling especially numb and incredibly unsure what to do next. We have this sweet baby to take care of and her needs are pretty demanding. So we'll start there. We also have three older girls that need their parents...and are also a little scared after what happened. We'll be there too. We have each other, both completely at a loss. Emotions are raw, and we both need comforting. We'll start there. We're together and we're grateful for that. We see our blessings and are grateful. So so grateful.

Just another taste of normal

I did it...I found another way to feel normal. We once again put Nora to sleep in her swing and spent a solid hour outside feeling normal. I can almost physically feel those newborn hormones melting away...almost. It's still there. But this is good for me. We bought a slip n slide and pulled it out. It was gorgeous and hot and sunny outside and the girls thought we were the best parents ever!! Hailey...Oh man this girl cracks me up...seriously the BEST faces ever! The other two were a LOT more cautious when it came to sliding, but they were still loving it!

I'm starting to feel like we're getting things under control here. Nora is almost 3 weeks old and we're thinking we'll head out camping this weekend. glam-ping that is. In our trailer, with all the amenities. It's the only way I could do it with a newborn! But I think we're ready to give it a go.

Keeping afloat

This baby business is tough. It's honestly so hard for me...and I'm not sure why I get hit so hard. But the baby blues, oh man these baby blues are the worst. I wonder each and every day if I'll ever feel normal again...and if our family will be ok. Will my girls forgive me for being such a sad spaced out mom? Will my husband forgive me? It's not even that we have a bad newborn...because she's not bad. She's a treat - with some colic thrown in there. It's my stupid hormones. Those hormones that hit ME so incredibly hard. So in an attempt to feel normal on a nice warm afternoon last week, I pulled out the new bottle of bubble solution. Put Nora to sleep in the swing and sat outside with these two angels and blew bubbles for a solid 30 minutes. Which is such a short time in reality, but a LONG time when it comes to feeling just almost normal. I think I need to do more of this sort of thing. Let that warm sun hit my skin, listen to those sweet laughs from the girls and remember that eventually the hormones will leave and this life will be normal!

Baby baby baby blues

I've got those baby blues...and they've hit HARD. Ben took the girls camping this weekend without me. I knew I couldn't go. I didn't want to go. I was looking forward to a weekend of peace and relaxation with my new baby. But somehow my hormones aren't letting me enjoy it. Thank goodness Ben has cell service because I've been calling him non stop. I miss them!!! I miss my little family. I feel like I've been left behind. I need them to come home...and I need a nap...and I need something yummy to eat because I just haven't figured out how to cook again! I'm useless. But thank goodness there's a cute baby involved. Right?? She's perfection! And so tiny and wonderful!

The Birth Story

Nora Ada...this little girl came roaring into this world! Fast and Furious! My first contraction was at 1:15 am, and she was born at 5:32 am. I called my parents when I felt the first contraction and had them drive out to our house right then. I've never had any false labour before so I knew that when I felt a real contraction that would be it. Because my other labours have been fast too we did have a friend on call just in case my parents didn't make it in time. luckily they did.

We arrived at the hospital at 3:30am and they immediately checked me in...I was 5cm and I was STAYING! My contractions were still pretty friendly and weren't causing me too much pain. So when the nurse asked what my pain management plan was I said I was happy to wait and see. Honestly...I should have known that was code for - don't give me anything! At about 5:00am my water broke and the nurse checked me again...9 cm!! YAY!! They called the doctor in to the hospital and was all prepped to start pushing. I was feeling so strong and proud of myself because until this point my labour had been completely bearable! Yay me!! No real pain!! Then the doctor came and checked me and delivered the most unfortunate news ever! I was only 6cm. Let me tell you, I just started crying at that point. There was no way I was only 6cm, because that meant I would actually have to feel some serious pain. I wasn't anywhere near being done! So I MADE them call the anaesthesiologist in to give me an epidural. They warned me that he wasn't actually at the hospital (stupid low risk clinic - they want to be as intervention free as possible so they try to discourage the epidrual) and that it would take about 30 min before it would be ready. I didn't care how long it took...I wanted him there!! So they called him. And then things go intense! Really intense. I started begging for anything to take the pain away and they offered me the laughing gas, which has never worked in the past. Well, this time it worked...a bit! It at least took the edge off. So for three glorious contraction the pain was a little milder. And then I realized I had to push! I yelled to the nurse that I was pushing and she calmly told me not to yet because I wasn't fully dilated, to which I responded with a very mature "I KNOOOOOOOW".

Well the next contraction came and there was no doubting it...the baby was there and she was coming out. I hopped onto the bed and started pushing her out as the doctor and nurses scrambled to get into position. And then things got a little weird. Normally everyone tells you what to do, how to push, how long, how hard etc. but this time no one was saying anything! I knew her head was out and that was it. They were all furiously working on something and I just wanted some instruction. I asked if I could push again and they said 'just give us a minute'! So I waited that next contraction out and then Ben whispered "just give a little push" so I did and she popped out. Then plan was to have her on my chest instantly, but they didn't put her on me. They actually cut her cord quickly, and still nothing. No crying, no baby on my chest, no congratulations! Nothing. For a minute. Just a minute. Not long enough for me to know something was really wrong, but long enough to know something was happening. And then they called for help...and I gave Ben a look like "what's happening" and then she cried!!!! That baby girl started crying. They cancelled their call for help and reassured me over and over and over again that everything was alright! She was going to be ok! And she was. What I didn't know at the time was that her cord was wrapped around her and it was stuck. They couldn't untangle her until I pushed her body out. And then she wasn't breathing, and they had to resuscitate her. Which obviously worked because she was breathing and screaming a minute later. So not long enough to be scary, but long enough to be worrisome. In the end it all worked out and they eventually brought her over to me for some skin to skin time. And that baby girl of mine just latched right on and started nursing like a pro! I was so happy to be done!! She was a tough labour...quick but tough!

That day we had the girls and my parents in for a visit. My new mom hormones were working overtime and I was a bag of emotions. I still am. Seeing her with her big sisters was just the best thing ever! They kept asking for a name....and we just didn't have one! I had like Ada (Ben's Grannie's middle name) from day one, but Ben just wasn't sold. So we laid there and went through names for hours until one seemed right. Ben mentioned Nora...and something just clicked in my mind. She LOOKED like a Nora. So much. All that dark hair just screamed Nora to me. And I know she'll end up blonde like the others (Paige did at least...the other two were blonde from day one). But even as a blonde I can still see her as a Nora. So we went to bed that night thinking about her name. The next day we were still uncertain. We couldn't decide. So we called a good friend (Angie) and she said she liked Nora...so we went with it! Nora Ada it is! And it's just so perfectly her! The girls are in heaven. We're all in heaven. I'm adjusting. My Hormones are a mess...and I know we'll all be ok. But it's going to take me some time to level out a bit. Until then I'm just enjoying this sweet little girl who loves to be held and nursed and snuggled all day long!! Welcome to the family Nora!!

by the way...the anesthesiologist showed up about 15 minutes after she was born! Seriously...every single time I have a baby this happens to me!!

Nora Ada

Introducing:

 Nora Ada McCance

June 1 2015

5:32 am

8lbs 9 oz

21.5in 

We are so in LOVE

iPhone rescue

These last few weeks have been really hard. I'm usually a happy camper right up until the end of my pregnancy but this time I'm just barely hanging on. I'm exhausted and sore and I hardly ever leave my spot on the couch. My poor girls have the lamest mom in the world. But thank goodness for the phone and it's super crappy pictures! Because these are the only pictures I have to document these last days of this pregnancy! We've been busy! I've been nesting like crazy...like crazy. I have cleaned and organized every single closet in this house (but mine because I'll need to do it anyway once I rid myself of my maternity clothes). I've cooked a million freezer meals for when this baby arrives. I've organized the girls rooms and made room for the baby. I've purchased bins and made cute labels for them so that when the baby comes we won't be wondering wear the sunscreen is. Because you know, that's very important. I clean our bathrooms ALL the time just in case I go into labour - I need a clean bathroom you know! Some of it's logical, most of it's not. But it works and it's keeping my busy!

I also spent a rainy Saturday with my mom doing some sewing! We made baby blankets (which we didn't actually sew...just cut some jersey fabric into a square), little baby bandanna bibs (we DID sew these) and some little hair bow head wrap things (also involved sewing). While we sewed my girls played and played and then went out searching for worms. The found the biggest grossest worm in the world and were mesmerized!

I'm officially huge! Actually not as huge as I've been in the past! We had a little scare where I was measuring quite large, which resulted in a BPP (Bio-physical-profile) ultrasound, which resulted in a non-stress test because the baby wasn't doing her practice breathing. But all ended well, and at my next appointment I was measuring right on. But at least we now know for SURE it's a girls!

 Paige was involved in a school assembly today. The day before she asked if I could make her a deer costume for her part in the performance!! The 39 week pregnant momma that I am said - go find something in the dress up box. Which she did. And I must say, she was the cutest giraffe the forest has ever seen! In my defense though...most the other kids didn't have deer costumes either! Or any costume at all. So I feel like we were totally more on top of things than most!

This last week has been extra stressful because Hailey came down with a pretty intense kidney infection. It was honestly a little bit scary - but a nice change from Cait's infections! With Hailey though, she ended up needing two rounds of IV antibiotics to beat the darn thing. I'm just glad this hit BEFORE baby and not after. I don't know how I could have done it with a new baby. She seems to be feeling a bit better and now we just need to finish up with the oral antibiotics and all should be good!

So besides that I'm ready for this baby! We need to get through tomorrow first (Grandpa's 60th birthday party) and then Sunday too (Cait gets to go see Dora live with her cousin Liam). Once those two events are done then we can have this baby! I'm hoping for June 1st so she can share a Birthday with Grandpa McCance...but I don't want to get my hopes up. I'm not due until the 4th of June! So we shall see!!

Mother's Day

This year for Mother's day I was feeling so done...being pregnant that is! Honestly, this baby is sure doing a number on my body! I'm constantly hurting and I feel like I just can't do half of what I usually can when pregnant! BUT Besides being huge and pregnant, I was very excited to spend this Mother's Day with my three big girls. They had been working hard in school to make gifts more me and I was so excited! The day started out perfectly: Breakfast in bed made for me by my girls (with the help of Dad of course). Then I tried to take a picture of the three of them - which was a LOT harder than I expected. At least two of them have a hard time looking AT the camera while smiling! But I got ONE! And look at them...aren't they perfect?? Then off to church....then home for a nap and lunch in bed. Haha...everything's 'in bed' when you're this pregnant! And then off to Nate and Tan's for a big ol' Mothers day Dinner with my family! I should also note that the day before Lauren and I put together a little Mother's Day brunch for Ben's mom!

Anyway, I'm so grateful for the Mother's I have in my life...my own mom, my Mother in Law, my sisters, cousins, aunts, friends and so on. These are the people who have mothered me, taught me how to be a mother myself, or helped me mother my children! I've had the best influences and examples in the area that you could possibly imagine. I'm really so grateful and lucky! I'm especially grateful that I get to Mother these little girls of mine! What joy they bring into my life!!I couldn't have asked for a better group of girls to raise and I'm so excited to meet our newest addition! Mothering...it's the best!