Canada Day

One of my favourite Summer traditions is going to Raymond for Canada day. We're not from there, but Ben's Grannie lives there and Randall and Rebecca have lived there (Randall's from there) and we always get to hang out with them...which is always fun! The parade is great...and really really amazing because I just never experienced that kind of thing as a kid, being a city kid and all! I mean, can you really beat all that candy?!?!? I think my favourite part is just being with family and our girls spending time with their cousins! We had a blast and I'm already looking forward to next year!

Birthday Girl

So like I mentioned before...Grandma and Grandpa watched the girls on their last day of school/Paige's Birthday. We were at the funeral that day and I'm so glad they were there to help us out. Not matter how sad we were I knew Paige needed a special day, yet I was so far from being able to do that for her. But G-ma and G-pa pulled through. They went the school party, took them groceyr shopping and let them pick anything they wanted, made poutines, and just made the day the very best it possible could be. Some special friends dropped off a gift for Paige as well. When we got home later that night Paige opened her gifts and ate her little mini cake! Thank you G-ma and G-pa! You saved us!

Then the next week I decided it was time to have a party for Paige. She deserved it. So last minute I threw together a little popstar bash. They sang and danced and crafted and partied for a few hours and I think Paige had a blast!!  Happy Birthday Paige! You are one of our most favourite things!!!

Last Day of school and a little ice cream for the soul

So life felt very strange that last week of June. There were things we had to do and no way of avoiding them. Like the last day of school. Like dealing with insurance, the police, writing statements etc. Like taking care of our children. And not that we would ever want to avoid our children, but sometimes when things have been so turned upside down it's hard to find your footing and do those kind of things as easily as we used to. At one point that week we heard the Ice cream truck. Our kids had been out playing in the sprinkler and they begged for ice cream. Normally I would have been all over that...total kid at heart. But not that day. That day things just felt too hard. But I looked into the eyes of my perfect children and saw how they knew too much about death...and sadness...and depression...and it just broke my heart. So I promised to let them be little again, and we chased that ice cream truck down and bought them their overprices Popsicles. And we were a family full of smiles for those few moments.

And then the next day we woke those girls up early, had them pose for a quick picture and sent them off to their last day of school. It was Paige's Birthday and my heart was breaking a little for her. We'd already cancelled her Birthday party as there was no way I was going to be do it anymore. We had to head down south for the funeral that afternoon and I wasn't going to see her all day. All day. On her Birthday. The thing is, she was ok with it all! She's tough. Plus Grandma and Grandpa came to take care of them...and I think that as more of a treat than anything!

Father

Ben is the best. He's saved us so many times. He keeps me going. He loves the girls. They love him. We all love him. We want him to be ok.

 A few weeks ago, just a few days before Fathers day Ben and Paige went to a Fathers Day evening at school. She was so super excited about this. She picked out her outfit, asked for her hair to be done a certain way, and even wanted her picture taken. Of all the girls, I think this one adores her daddy the most. He is her EVERYTHING. Really. She loves him more than anything. And he knows it....and just eats her up! I feel blessed to have these memories with him and our girls. I feel exceptionally blessed that he gets to continue making these memories. Life is just so hard sometimes and I am truly grateful for the blessings we have!

Going Private

I've always loved the idea of a public blog. I feel like for the most part this blog is relatively private anyway. Because honestly, who really wants to read about my everyday life? But for those that do read it, I never want to alienate you and make you feel like you need to be a close friend to read it! BUT...some things have happened recently in our life (I won't  go into details) and it's been brought to my attention that this blog needs to be private. For now at least. It might not stay that way forever. But for now it does. So I thought I'd just make this post...notify my few friends that I'll be switching over to private soon, and then sometime in the next few days I'll make the official switch. So...if you read this and want to continue reading this ol' blog, just send me an email to the email on my profile...or message me on facebook or whatever works! K? Ok.

Words

I just don't even have the right words to express what has happened. We lost a friend. A young Father of three...and exceptional father of three. A husband...and very good husband. Way too soon. And way too tragic. We were also way too involved in the accident and it has shaken our family quite a bit. There are things we'll never be able to un-see. Things we can't un-feel. Events we can't undo. It's the worst. I'm hurting. My children are hurting. My husband is especially hurting. We also recognize that our hurt and pain are absolute nothing in comparison to the children who lost their dad. My girls friends. The wife who lost her husband. My friend. The siblings who lost their brother and parents who lost their son. They hurt more. I know. Right now we're feeling especially numb and incredibly unsure what to do next. We have this sweet baby to take care of and her needs are pretty demanding. So we'll start there. We also have three older girls that need their parents...and are also a little scared after what happened. We'll be there too. We have each other, both completely at a loss. Emotions are raw, and we both need comforting. We'll start there. We're together and we're grateful for that. We see our blessings and are grateful. So so grateful.

Just another taste of normal

I did it...I found another way to feel normal. We once again put Nora to sleep in her swing and spent a solid hour outside feeling normal. I can almost physically feel those newborn hormones melting away...almost. It's still there. But this is good for me. We bought a slip n slide and pulled it out. It was gorgeous and hot and sunny outside and the girls thought we were the best parents ever!! Hailey...Oh man this girl cracks me up...seriously the BEST faces ever! The other two were a LOT more cautious when it came to sliding, but they were still loving it!

I'm starting to feel like we're getting things under control here. Nora is almost 3 weeks old and we're thinking we'll head out camping this weekend. glam-ping that is. In our trailer, with all the amenities. It's the only way I could do it with a newborn! But I think we're ready to give it a go.